Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Apocalypse is coming in the form... of pizza

There is one delicacy in the world that is more divine than any other foodstuff:



If I could eat this every day without worrying about a quadruple bypass, diabetes and constipation, I would. BUT the oracle that is Pizza Hut has given in to the fattys of the world and ruined their signature dish...


Listen up, (presumably) monocle wearing and cigar smoking fat cats at Pizza Hut, your new monstrosity of stuffed crust filled with cheese AND toppings is otherwise known as a CALZONE. Did you know that you also sell calzones? So now you're selling pizza topped with a calzone. This is almost as big of a disaster as KFC's Double Down. 

There's a reason this looks like a coffin...

Yet another victory for people rushing to that early grave. But most of all, Pizza Hut (or should I say Pathetic Hut? No, it's Pizza Hut) why are you trying to "improve" your finest creation? If I want a calzone, I WILL ORDER A GODDAMN CALZONE!!! *throws chair into wall*

I will go on a hunger strike * until the Hut restores their original masterpiece. I will be Gandhi. Only instead of striving for India's independence from Britain, I will be striving for cheese baked into a golden crust aka the American Dream. 

*this may or may not be true

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